Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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