So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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