We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
