The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
