Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
