she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
