I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
