he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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