My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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