It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
