the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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