Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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