five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
did i walk over a car last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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