The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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