I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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