do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
