theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
