i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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