Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
