toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
