so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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