Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
