If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
ok first of all what the fuck
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
