I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
