Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
