the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
