Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
