you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
