I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My dick has a subreddit
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
