first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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