They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
