I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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