Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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