reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
