I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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