the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
