Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I looked at my own cervix.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm at about main and main street
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
