Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
