You made me cry and you don't even care
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize