I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Farmville is her only friend.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
