so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
handjob tips. give me some.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
