So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
