I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
