I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
