did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
