If i come over, it means nothing
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
