you win again, gameday.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
