i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this just has baby written all over it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
