You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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