Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
