Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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