Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
