So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
